Test 13: The Puzzle Personality Test
Sorry, I Meant: The New York Times™ Puzzle Personality Test
Hey, everyone. How’ve you been? Things been alright lately? It’s been a while since I published anything here (October 2023, per my notes). That’s a six-month hiatus from writing. Well, not exactly — it’s a six-month hiatus from writing here. Because the fun news is: I started writing a book instead! If I had to describe it, it’s sort of a mix of The Great Gatsby and Goodnight Moon, with a little bit of the Necronomicon sprinkled in.
Just kidding — it’s a tongue-in-cheek self-help book with jokes* in it. That first thing would’ve been insane (which means I’ll probably try to do it at some point).
*Debatable.
Anyway: Writing a book takes a long time. It also takes a lot of research and effort and formulating your ideas only to break them down and reshape them and then realize you’re stuck and have to pivot but then the whole prior section needs rewriting and … it’s just a lot. You know what isn’t a lot? Learning something about yourself via introspection! Well, at least not when it’s done via an online test. What have we today? A minor miracle: Something the New York Times will let you look at for free!
This, my friends, is the Puzzle Personality test. Usually, I like online tests to tell me something defining about myself. Things like my values, career aptitude, what kind of animal I’d be, and so forth. This one, though, stands to tell me … well, look at it:
Okay, so it’s going to tell me where to get started on my … puzzle playing journey? I’ll be honest, I mostly skipped over this part when I came across the quiz. I mean, I already play virtually every NYT puzzle game there is. Crossword? Of course, it’s the classic. Wordle? Sure, the fad may have died down, but it’s a nice little word puzzle. Spelling Bee? Connections? The beta for Strands? Give them all to me. They’re part of my morning routine along with a large cold brew coffee and ignoring work.
In any case, I’m promised a series of fun questions. Let’s see what we can learn! Our first question:
Alright, this is a rough start because I haven’t had a “fun” “night out” with my “friends” in a while. I’m in my late 30s and most of my friends are parents now. Moreover — and I know this is pedantic — this isn’t a fun question so much as it is a series of fun answers to a normal question. But enough complaining and stalling. I’m always wondering if my dogs are having fun at home, or if they are busy destroying something we forgot to pick up off the floor. Easy! Let’s move on.
Actually, I’m gonna try something new and put all the questions here in a Gallery! Please don’t get mad at me, New York Times:
Not sure that actually did what I hoped it would. For starters, I hoped it’d be legible, but I think that’s pretty squished together and small. But at least the questions look clear? Maybe? I sort of assumed it’d be a click-through gallery where every image was full size. Don’t get mad at me, Substack. This is your feature, after all.
More to the point, I’ve answered all the questions! Some of them made me desperately want to lie. Of course I see myself as Sonic the Hedgehog — he’s the coolest (and a seminal part of my childhood). But our personalities are pretty different, so I opted for Pikachu instead. Not that Pokemon wasn’t an indelible part of my childhood, mind you. I suppose I’m just happy one of the options wasn’t “I shoot people and steal their essences, like Mega Man.”
I’ve answered all 10 fun questions. How about a fun result?
I am … what now? The Social Butterfly? I did NOT see this one coming. I expected something like “The Strong Silent Protagonist (aka the Link)” or “The Secretly Snarky Elitist Who Wants to Destroy You At Everything (aka the Samus).” Every test I’ve taken so far has suggested I’m an introvert who likes to keep to himself. Maybe we’ve finally found the area where I’m in my element, socially speaking?
Let us consult the text result, shall we?
Digital puzzle games are a social experience for me. They’re a way to compete, but we can also chat and spend time together. I’m not super-competitive, but I will play if I know that others are playing too. I also play digital games when I’m feeling lonely and looking to bond or connect. I’m big on sharing strategies or tips with less experienced players.
I get frustrated if the games finish too soon or are too repetitive, and I will trade in my current games for something better, although I may have a tough time finding that “better” game.
Hmm. The second part seems pretty accurate, at least. And I guess the more I read the first part the more sense it makes. Wow. This might be the first time I’ve come across an uncomfortable truth about myself and had to grapple with it in real time. Maybe uncomfortable isn’t the right word. Maybe unexpected makes more sense. I’ve almost certainly learned something, though. And isn’t that the real meaning of taking online tests as part of a self-help process you embarked on when you were early in recovery?
Yes, I think it is.