Test 7: The Wonderlic
Finally, Proof That the Only Thing Keeping Separating Me From the NFL Is My Athleticism, Drive, Ambition, Motor Skills, Conflict Aversion ...
Football is back, everyone! The 2023 NFL season just wrapped up its first week with a Jets-Bills game which proved definitively that even a “softer” synthetic turf can destroy your body and possibly end your career. I feel for Aaron Rodgers and the Jets here, honestly. It’s never fun to see ANYONE injured, especially when the injury is as dramatic as an Achilles tear. No one is waiting in the wings to replace Rodgers, either. Yes, the Jets have a depth chart, but additional help likely isn’t coming.
But that won’t stop me from volunteering my services! Ahem:
Dear Coach Saleh, Mr. Johnson, and the rest of the NYJ front office —
Hi! My name is Joe St. Germain* and I’d like to offer my quarterback services to you for the remainder of the 2023 season. It’s incredibly unfortunate that Aaron Rodgers got just four snaps before his season ended, and I’m well aware that Zach Wilson is there to take over. But I’d like to make a case for myself, too. Consider:
At Oregon, a big-time college football program, I played badminton against future NFL standout Haloti Ngata. (And won!)
I also once saw Dennis Dixon at a bar and listened to a drunk girl tell me he wasn’t a big deal because “What does he even do?” (Neither here nor there, come to think of it.)
I’m a 6-foot tall guy, which isn’t too different than Drew Brees or Russell Wilson.
Oh, and best of all?
My Wonderlic scores are amazing.
The Wonderlic is sort of like the SATs for pro football players, right down to its alleged cultural biases. Developed by E.F. Wonderlic in the 1930s, the eponymous test throws you 50 questions in a strict 12 minute timeframe. The questions are meant to assess your general cognitive skills — and how quickly you employ them. Things like math, pattern recognition, and vocabulary make up the foundations of the test. The idea is to see how many questions you can get through in the allotted time and how well you do on them. Pretty straightforward, right?
What’s less straightforward is how meaningful the results are. To hear the people at Wonderlic, Inc. tell it, the test can do everything from helping you hire the best possible talent to identifying which employees to focus on developing. Others cite its relatively short length, limited scope, and aforementioned cultural bias as pretty big drawbacks. Still, there’s no question it gets taken by tons of people across the corporate world.
For years, this was true for prospective NFL draftees as well. It became something of a cottage industry to uncover what scores different players got. Which players scored the best? (Probably some Harvard nerd LOLOL). Who did shamefully poorly? (Vince Young famously, and allegedly, got a 6 out of 50, although it was later reported as a still-pretty-bad 16). While it fell out of favor with the NFL and has ceded ground to more predictive tests like the S2, there’s no denying that the Wonderlic at least remains accessible. And by accessible, I mean I just Googled it and found a version I can take for free, so that’s what I plan to do!
Right before I began, I was greeted with this message:
You will be presented with 50 questions of varying format and difficulty. You've got 12 minutes to take the test, but time flies by so don't waste too much time on any single question. Upon completion you are provided a badge with your score and the NFL player you scored better than. You can embed it on your personal website, a blog, or share it to your favorite social media site!
I cannot tell you how excited I am to get that badge. Not because I think it’ll help me get to the NFL — my agent gave me some bad advice anyway and I went undrafted for years — but because I can sort of reverse engineer it into “What position would I have played in the NFL, had I been born with literally any athletic gifts or work ethic?” There’s a theory that Quarterbacks, Offensive Linemen and Special Teamers are among the more cerebral players in the game. Did that hold true for me?
I should mention that I’m skeptical of how closely this test resembles the actual Wonderlic. Mine came from footballiqscore.com, which uh, does not seem to be affiliated with Wonderlic, Inc. Why do I say this? Some of the questions seemed to be in broken English and there were typos throughout. But I got: a 43!
Honestly, a 43/50 on any test is pretty good in my book. Considering I did no real preparation, that translates to an 86/100, which is right on the cusp of a B+ letter grade. Nice! The bad news, such that it is, is that I got the same score as Eric Decker, who complained about players protesting racial injustice during the national anthem. This test would have me believe he and I are of equivalent intelligence, so … that one hurts.
Yeah, that’s right: I got a 43 on my Wonderlic. I would give you my S2 scores, but I don’t have access to the test (maybe you guys can help??) and I’m not wealthy enough to seek it out independently. Still, a 43 is pretty good! I don’t mean to rub salt in old wounds, but one Tom Brady only scored a 33 — and that guy’s probably going to the Hall of Fame. Imagine what your QB room would be like with the practical knowledge Rodgers can still share and the hastily-acquired Wonderlic score I got. Between all of us, I think the Super Bowl is actually the lowest we can set our sights this year! In our spare time, we can probably find a way to make medicine cheaper in the US and I personally would like to tackle food insecurity. Might be a good bye week topic for us.
I’m willing to play for league minimum and I promise to do my best to keep my locker tidy, too. I eagerly await your response. Go Jets!
Lovingly yours,
JSG
*Not my NAME name, but my name.