Wading into political waters on the Internet is, to put it mildly, a risky idea. There’s a pretty compelling argument to be made that social media, more than any other single “thing” that’s ever existed, is the ultimate instrument of creating division and sowing discord among people. If you get into a disagreement with someone online, the best case scenario is that you’re exposed to their worldview and then return to your own echo chamber. The worst case scenario is you get doxxed, called a racial slur, told to kill yourself, and then your house and car and family are all set on fire while a dude draped in an American flag runs away screaming “1776!”
Like I said, it’s risky.
Unfortunately, our individual political leanings are also pretty foundational to who we are as people. It goes so far beyond “liberal” or “conservative” — it sort of lays the groundwork for how you move around the world. How do you feel about social justice? Where’s the line between personal freedoms and the greater societal good? How do you, as a person, and how do we, as a neighborhood/city/state/nation, prioritize what’s most important? These questions are all fundamentally political.
Since I’m trying to start with the foundational stuff — and because it turns out I’m cut out for this kind of work anyway — figuring out where my political beliefs lie seems like a pretty wise idea. And for that, I’ll look to our old friend the Political Compass.
Sort of like the MBTI, I’ve taken this test before. That said, I think it was literally 20 years ago when I took it the first time. The year would have been 2002, if that’s true. For context, in 2002, Facebook didn’t even exist yet. That means even if I’d wanted to share my test results with people, the only ones who could call me a "pussy beta cuck soyboy” were my close friends and family. So: not impossible, just not a certainty like it would be today.
More to the point, that was a long time ago, and I’ve been told that people’s opinions and attitudes change over time anyway. Is that true for me? There’s only one way to find out. Let’s get testing!
If you’ve never taken it before, this is essentially all the test is:
That bottom question is a doozy, right? Imagine being the kind of person who chooses either “Agree” or “Strongly Agree.” At that point does the test just put up a picture of Hitler and say “this is your guy?”
Again: This should win me lots of friends.
Before I get into my results, I’ve got one more picture for you. Check out what greeted me on Page 5:
I love this, not gonna lie. It’s almost like a taunt. This test is like a case study on all the questions a corporate HR department would have a stroke over if they heard them being discussed. At least the test seems sort of self-aware.
Okay, I’ve taken the test. How did I do? Well, to learn that, let’s first see how my results will be conveyed:
So here’s the compass itself. There are four quadrants created by two axes: the Social scale and the Economic scale. The idea is that you lie somewhere on each scale, and the more extreme your views, the further away from the center you’ll be.
Now, if you’re like me, it’s helpful to put this into context. Much like the way the MBTI gives you a list of famous people with your personality type, the Political Compass does that with nations. Both North Korea and Saudi Arabia register as highly Authoritarian, obviously, but they sit at opposite ends of the Economic scale: North Korea is highly collectivist, while Saudi Arabia is highly capitalistic.
Or, put another way:
Authoritarian Left: “You will submit to me and work forever in my farming cooperative! Now go extract eggs from those chickens for the feast or else we shall kill you!”
Libertarian Left: “You are more than free to get any job you like within our farming cooperative! We are ALL chicken farmers on this blessed day!”
Authoritarian Right: “The company will pay you in scrip that you can only use at our on-site store … and only when we say you can. And also we’ve elected to kill you.”
Libertarian Right: “The free market is your God now, and Capitalism is her instrument of control. Now stack that paper, but only for yourself. And only if you want to. But please note that, for the right price, we will kill you.”
Not so complicated anymore, is it?? With that in mind, let’s see how I did:
Alright! Looks like I’m essentially in the “you can get mostly any job you want within our chicken farm, but please remember there are rules — this isn’t Berkeley, you know!” range. I can live with that.
Am I surprised by these results? A little, actually: I would have figured I’d end up closer to the true center. I definitely found myself answering a lot of questions on either extreme end, which is, I think, sort of telling. With the MBTI test, I didn’t have very many hard-line stances, but here I definitely did. I suppose that could be because the Political Compass inherently reflects the practical realities of the world, whereas the MBTI is more conceptual? Maybe social and political issues ignite a more passionate response in me than philosophical ones? Perhaps both?
What this also tells me is that I’m very likely living in the wrong place. I mean, where would the United States fall on this graph? I think you can debate the answer, but that answer will always be some form of “pretty far from where you landed on this chart.” According to this, apparently, the person I’m closest to ideologically is Nelson Mandela. So … looks like I should be living in South Africa under Mandela. Better start brushing up on my rugby knowledge just in case!